Why is my ex being so mean to me?

Reason #1: They Still Have Feelings For You

This may sound bizarre, but often when your ex is acting like an asshole to you or being cold and distant, it means they still care about you or have feelings for you.

Their cruelty or confrontational behaviour is their way of dealing with these emotions, and typically it’s actually a subconscious thing rather than an intentional strategy.

For any number of reasons, your ex has decided that breaking up is the best, most logical way forward… and yet, they’re still in love with you to some extent, or at least still have lingering romantic feelings for you and care about you.

These are feelings they no longer WANT to have, really, because they simply make getting over the breakup more difficult…. And as a result, they can become cold and rude or often try to pick fights whenever you talk to them.

It might sound bizarre, but being mean or rude is a common way many people try to suppress these feelings and emotions after a breakup.

This is especially common when your ex is sending mixed messages.

If your ex is being very ‘hot and cold’ towards you, where they’re sometimes being nice and affectionate one minute and then suddenly acting mean or indifferent the next, that’s a good indication that they’re doing this because they still care for you and have an internal struggling going on within themselves over the breakup.

Reason #2: They Feel You’re Just Not Getting The Message

The second reason your ex could be acting mean, rude, or confrontational is, unfortunately, because they feel this type of behaviour is necessary in order for you to leave them alone and accept the breakup.

By treating you poorly or being a downright asshole towards you, they may be hoping you’ll give them the space they’re looking for and stop trying to win them back.

If you’ve been pleading or begging your ex since breaking up, asking for another chance, or promising to change if they’ll take you back…. Then your ex could very well be feeling like you’re just not accepting the breakup, and being cold and rude to you in order to try and break through your denial and get the message across.

Reason #3: They Hate The Idea of Hurting You

Lastly, it’s also possible your ex is being rude or trying to pick fights with you because they subconsciously feel like this could give them a “reason” to hurt you by breaking up.

This might sound totally bizarre, but it’s actually relatively common.

Essentially, your ex has decided to break up with you, but because they still have feelings for you and know you’re a good person… they hate the idea of having to hurt you or cause you emotional pain by breaking up.

As a result, they’ll sometimes pick fights or be cruel towards you in hopes that you’ll take the bait and react angrily or be equally mean and confrontational in response.

This will give them a reason, a sort of justification, that will make hurting you by breaking up more acceptable.

Again, I know this sounds like a strange thought process on the surface, but human psychology is often complicated and things like this can happen subconsciously without your ex really thinking about it.

The question that remains is how do you react or handle this type of behaviour from your ex?

What should you do to ensure they stop being so mean, cold, or angry towards you… and go back to being the kind, considerate, and loving partner you remember from the time you were together?

Why does my ex say hurtful things to me?

If your ex said mean things to you, they meant it in that particular moment, but it was probably just an emotional reaction. The best you can do in this situation is to stop making your ex the protagonist of your life and start making well-informed decisions and committing to them fully.

How do you respond to a rude ex?

  1. 1 “I don’t want to fight.”
  2. 2 “We broke up.
  3. 3 “You need to leave me alone.”
  4. 4 “I’m in a relationship.”
  5. 5 “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
  6. 6 “Could you tell me what I did to upset you?”
  7. 7 “I understand why you’re feeling this way.”
  8. 8 “This number has been disconnected.”

Why is my ex so angry towards me?

Sometimes, an ex will express anger towards you simply because they’re using you and the breakup as a scapegoat. They might just not be in a good place in their life, and they might be feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves, so they take it out on you.

How do I know if my ex was toxic?

What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

  1. Lack of support. “Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life,” Caraballo says.
  2. Toxic communication.
  3. Envy or jealousy.
  4. Controlling behaviors.
  5. Resentment.
  6. Dishonesty.
  7. Patterns of disrespect.
  8. Negative financial behaviors.

How do I accept my toxic ex?

13 Tips for How to Heal From a Toxic Relationship

  1. Feel Your Emotions.
  2. Try Not to Contact Your Old Partner to “Check In”
  3. Don’t Expect Closure.
  4. Maintain a Strong Support System with Positive People.
  5. Don’t be Afraid to Admit What You’ve Been Through.
  6. Re-Discover Your True Self.
  7. Practice Self-Care.
  8. Practice Self-Kindness.

Why do exes turn bitter?

Even if you saw the split coming, bitterness after a breakup is normal, and it often happens as a result of heartbreak and pent-up frustration toward your ex. This feeling is completely valid, but if it persists for months, it could get in the way of your post-breakup healing.

How do I know if my ex was manipulative?

9 Signs of Emotional Manipulation

  1. They undermine your faith in your grasp of reality.
  2. Their actions don’t match their words.
  3. They are experts at doling out guilt.
  4. They claim the role of the victim.
  5. They are too much, too soon.
  6. They are an emotional black hole.

How do you know if your ex is testing you?

They Ask Mutual Friends About You

This is one of the most common signs an ex is testing you. Are they constantly checking up on you through mutual friends? It’s natural for exes to be curious, but if this happens a lot, they could be testing you.

What does a toxic ex do?

The toxic ex. You couldn’t live with him, he won’t let you live without him. The toxic ex doesn’t respect the boundaries of their relationship with their ex. They have never really let go of ex mates and will hang on for dear life all the while undermining your ability to co-parent with them and move on to a new life.

How do you forgive a hurtful ex?

5 Steps to Forgiving Your Ex

  1. Embrace positivity. Negativity makes it difficult to forgive and move on.
  2. Take responsibility. There were two people in your relationship, and two people in the breakup.
  3. Practice compassion.
  4. Fake it till you make it.
  5. Take your time to heal.

How do you let your ex go bitter?

The following four steps can help you work through the process.

  1. Acknowledge it. Anger is an emotion that people are often uncomfortable with.
  2. Express it. This is a tricky one.
  3. Depersonalize it. What any one person says or does is always much more about them than it is about you.
  4. Heal it.

Why do I love my ex who treated me badly?

We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.

How do you act around an ex who hurt you?


  1. Stay calm when you see your ex.
  2. Walk and talk with confidence.
  3. Dress to impress.
  4. Be polite.
  5. Make casual small talk.
  6. Be yourself.
  7. Keep your first few conversations short.
  8. Go to social events like you always do.

Should you reply to your toxic ex?

You’re under no obligation to respond to your ex.

If you’re still recovering from the breakup or you don’t want to get involved with them again, read their message and then delete it. It’s totally up to you whether or not you want to talk to your ex again, and ignoring them is a great way to keep them out of your life.

How do you emotionally detach from a toxic ex?

Here are some things you can try.

  1. Identify the reason. Ask yourself why you’re now deciding to detach from the relationship.
  2. Release your emotions.
  3. Don’t react, respond.
  4. Start small.
  5. Keep a journal.
  6. Meditate.
  7. Be patient with yourself.
  8. Look forward.

Do toxic relationships ever last?

Yes, toxic relationships can change. But that comes with a very big if. A toxic relationship can change if and only if both partners are equally committed to overcoming it with lots of open communication, honesty, self-reflection, and possibly professional help, individually and together.

Why does my toxic ex want me back?

“Chances are, if you have a toxic ex that has a strong hold over you, probably one of the reasons they are an ex is that you were never quite fulfilled in that relationship. The relationship never materialised to its potential, leaving you yearning for more attention and affection.” Dr.

How do you ignore your ex who hurt you?

Stay busy. It will be much easier to ignore your ex-boyfriend if you really are occupied with other things. Start doing more things with your friends, join a club, or take up a new hobby to get your mind off your ex and make ignoring him completely natural.

Is it possible for a toxic ex to change for you?

Toxic people can change, but it’s highly unlikely. What is certain is that nothing anyone else does can change them. It is likely there will be broken people, broken hearts and broken relationships around them – but the carnage will always be explained away as someone else’s fault.

How do you know if your ex isn’t over you?

Signs to look out for:

  1. They’re giving mixed signals.
  2. They blame you for the breakup.
  3. They’re angry with you.
  4. They’re keeping in touch with you.
  5. They flirt with you.
  6. They’re bringing up memories.
  7. You still have some of their things.
  8. They’re sabotaging you.

Why is my ex trying to get revenge?

Because of those feelings of loneliness and abandonment, they may be willing to risk everything in order that the justice they seek is done. They are driven to preserve their honor and self-respect at any cost so that the partner who has harmed them suffers as they have.

What are the 4 stages of manipulation?


  • Flattery. The first stage is when the person who manipulates puts on a facade of being kind, caring, and helpful.
  • Isolation. This is when the person who manipulates may start to isolate you from your friends and family.
  • Devaluing and gaslighting.
  • Fear or violence.

What are things manipulators say?

Manipulators are experts in exaggeration and generalization. They may say things like, “No one has ever loved me.” They use vague accusations to make it harder to see the holes in their arguments. This tactic used by manipulators is meant to poke at your weaknesses and make you feel insecure.

How do you outsmart a manipulator?

6 ways to disarm a manipulator

  1. Postpone your answer. Don’t give them an answer on the spot.
  2. Question their motivations. Manipulators often hide their real motivations because they don’t like to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors.
  3. Show disinterest.
  4. Impose boundaries.
  5. Keep your self-respect.
  6. Apply fogging.

How do I know if my ex is suffering?

21 Signs Your Ex Is Miserable

  1. He’s working A LOT.
  2. He stopped working.
  3. Her weight changed noticeably.
  4. He talks about being miserable without you.
  5. Intoxication equals contacting you.
  6. He makes sure you know he has a new girlfriend.
  7. She goes from fling to fling.
  8. He’s spiraling into alcohol or drug abuse.

How do you know if your ex regrets breaking up?

Here are some of the signs your ex regrets dumping you.

  • They begin to communicate with you.
  • They apologize for the breakup.
  • They show more affection.
  • They discuss issues in their present relationship.
  • They try to atone for past mistakes.
  • They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
  • They stalk you.

How do you stop checking what your ex is doing?

When checking up on your ex becomes a problem, here are six ways to stop yourself from stalking them online:

  1. Delete their profile.
  2. Keep busy.
  3. Find a replacement habit.
  4. Get back in the dating game.
  5. Block his pages if you have to.
  6. When all else fails, take a break from social media.

What does a toxic ex do?

The toxic ex. You couldn’t live with him, he won’t let you live without him. The toxic ex doesn’t respect the boundaries of their relationship with their ex. They have never really let go of ex mates and will hang on for dear life all the while undermining your ability to co-parent with them and move on to a new life.

How do you tell if your ex is pretending to be over you?

Signs to look out for:

  • They’re giving mixed signals.
  • They blame you for the breakup.
  • They’re angry with you.
  • They’re keeping in touch with you.
  • They flirt with you.
  • They’re bringing up memories.
  • You still have some of their things.
  • They’re sabotaging you.

How can I tell if my ex is fighting his feelings for me?

19 Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings for You

  • He Makes Excuses To Seek You Out.
  • He Shows Off Around You.
  • He Hangs On Every Word and Remembers Everything.
  • His Friends Give You Hints.
  • He’s Always Available When You Need Help.
  • He Always Takes Your Side.
  • He Notices the Small Things.
  • He Texts You Often.